Surviving the Chaos of Today, and Anticipating the Mayhem of Tomorrow

Below is an article I was asked to write for the SWAN (Seminary Wives Association Newsletter) this past month, and since I invested so much time in getting it just right, I thought I would share it with all of you. I'm sure you'd probably prefer to read the more animated posts detailing the boys' latest accomplishments or the excitement of our most recent change, but this post is definitely an illustration of the more difficult side of our journey through seminary. Just keeping it real ;)

When I was a freshmen in high school, I decided to run track. I didn't really have much interest in extra-curricular activities, but I did enjoy the rush of exerting every ounce of energy and emotion into racing down a 100-meter stretch of track at full speed. As I positioned myself in the starting block, my eyes focused intently on the finish line. I felt confident—excited even—knowing the end was in clear sight from the moment I entered the starting position; there were no ominous turns, daunting hurdles or arduous obstacles standing in my way—just a straight shot to victory!

A couple weeks into the season, my coach suggested I try the 400-meter dash, stating the breadth of my stride would give me an advantage. I really wasn't familiar with the dynamic of the 400-meter dash, but I soon learned that they call it the 400-meter "dash", because you are supposed to sprint the entire distance around the track. As I considered the proposition, I naively deduced that running a greater distance would simply require a greater demand of my physical ability. So, if I could handle a 100-meter stretch, what's a couple more?

Well, finishing my first 400-meter race proved to be a much greater challenge of stamina than I had expected. After running myself ragged in the first three hundred meters, I turned the last corner of the track wondering how my legs could possibly carry me another foot, let alone another 100 meters. I was running on empty, my reserves were exhausted, yet somehow—through unexplainable means—I found myself on the other side of the finish line.

[Enter perseverance.]

Today, as I stare across our humble vicarage home, surrounded by borrowed goods and neighbors whom I've only just met, I feel a strangely similar strain on my endurance. Less than three years ago, my husband acknowledged his call to be a pastor and we essentially hit the ground running. In a matter of months, we sold our new home and left behind a plethora of family roots and long-time friends (more than 850 miles behind)—as well as the security of a two-income household in which to raise our two young boys.

At that point, not knowing much about the culture of seminary or life in the ministry, I immediately adapted the mindset that we were embarking on a "new adventure" in order to submerge myself in optimism. That ambitious feeling of adventure has long since faded amongst the ambiguity of income, the stress of ever-changing social circles and the transience of a place to call home. Yet, by some unfathomable stretch of a miracle, we've found ourselves surviving in this third leg of the race, with just one more year of pandemonium ahead.

I wish I could say my wealth of experience has provided some resounding words of encouragement to thrive in this adventure we call seminary, but the thing about perseverance is that it isn't the straight shot to victory. It can only come through steadfastness despite difficulty or delay in achievement. We must approach each ominous turn with tenacity, tackle every daunting hurdle with hope and continue to pray when the obstacles seem to arduous to overcome.

Someone once told me that when they are feeling overwhelmed with worry, they focus on their blessings. So today, I simply thank God for my faith, my loving family, an abundance of friends and also for our health. And tomorrow, regardless of the day's events, I'll do it all over again.


Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

- James 1:12

Top Ten Reasons to Visit St. Joseph MI (hint, hint ;)

10. Shopping downtown
9. Curious Kids' Museum
8. Krasl Art Center
7. Experience the atmosphere @ Tosi's Italian Restaurant
6. Tons of vineyards & wineries
5. Fishing for Steelhead on the pier
4. Watching the sunset on Lake Michigan
3. Swimming on warm, sandy Silver Beach!
2. Kevin's sermons at Trinity Lutheran Church
1. Hugs from the world's cutest boys [Caleb & Ethan]

New and Old

A couple notes about today: we received some squash and zucchini for a member of the church and I was like...uh...what do I do with this?? So, after getting an idea from a new friend, I cubed them and sautéed them in oil with minced garlic, salt and pepper. Tonight was the second try and with the addition of Paprika (ahem...thank you, Kayla!) I thought they were actually pretty good! Although, they did NOT go over well with the boys—mostly Caleb...Ethan still insists on repeating everything his big brother says and does...otherwise I think he might have liked them! So, please let me know if you have any better ideas because I still have a large size of each left to eat!

Another big accomplishment for the week: We've been saving a lot on cable and getting really good TV reception with our rabbit ears the past few years. Sadly, however, they did not survive the last move so well :( This has been hardest on Kevin because his favorite place to unwind at the end of the day is in his recliner with a cold Miller Lite. So...after meeting the owners of our current house this evening, we learned there is an antenna on the roof that might very will have potential! We just had to figure out the peculiar looking box with a dial marked N, S, E & W. Surprisingly, after just a few attempts we (well, Kevin) was able to get signals for almost 25 channels (although some weren't very clear and others were duplicates)! Just another baby step toward feeling like home!

Oh...and I bet you can't guess where Kevin fell asleep tonight? :)

Chapter Two: Vicarage

Needless to say, the last couple of weeks have been flooded with activity! After three grueling weeks of packing up our home in Fort Wayne, we hauled half our belongings to storage and loaded the rest in a little red trailer for vicarage. Kevin and the boys navigated the truck and trailer while Erin followed in our little hatchback, which was packed door to door—saving only enough room for herself and our mini dachshund, Shelby. The boys beamed with a sense of adventure as we programmed Saint Joseph, Michigan into the truck’s GPS.

The two-hour move hardly seemed intimidating having previously traveled more than 800 miles from Fargo to begin seminary. Yet our patience was tested again...and again; first as we waited out a severe thunderstorm upon getting the trailer loaded; and again while delayed for nearly an hour due to a rolled semi trailer on the interstate just outside of Fort Wayne. Thankfully, despite the unexpected complications, we finally arrived with all bodies, tires and cardboard boxes intact at 915 Wolcott Avenue.

We approached our new home with both excitement and apprehension, knowing little more than the street address. After several rounds of arranging and rearranging, the four of us fit surprisingly well into this 850 square foot home. We’ve been welcomed very warmly by the members of Trinity Lutheran Church. Shortly after arriving, several people stopped by to unload the trailer, one pastor’s wife dropped by to say hello and later that evening the assistant pastor delivered some warm KFC for dinner!

After some very diligent unpacking the first 24 hours, we couldn’t resist a visit to the beach on our second day in this new city! The weather was beautiful and the boys—well probably all of us—were due for a break. Later that evening we were surprised to learn that a babysitter had been lined up for us the next morning! We didn’t hesitate to accept and we thoroughly enjoyed a drive around town, a walk on the pier and a delicious meal at an Asian Grill downtown. Later that afternoon, the assistant pastor also gave us a brief tour of the town and showed us some of the various beaches, parks and shopping venues.

In between outings, the unpacking continued fervently. And at the end of our first week, Kevin had to trade in his cargo shorts for a tie and begin his first day of work. We still had a few boxes lying around the house, but the greater challenge at home proved to be the adjustment of not having Kevin around again. Now four days later, we are finally starting to fall into our old rhythm again.

Sunday, July 17, Kevin was installed as vicar of Trinity Lutheran Church, under the supervision of Pastor Michael Roth. We were welcomed with a reception following both services on Sunday morning and treated to some grilling and a boat ride on Pastor Roth’s bay liner that afternoon. It was pretty amazing—according to the boat thermometer, the water in Lake Michigan was 77°F! Despite the persuasion of two of the pastor’s older kids and the principal’s two daughters, Caleb wasn’t ready to let go of the boat ladder for a swim in the 40’ deep great lake…this time.

Earlier this week, we unpacked the last box and we’re looking forward to making Saint Joseph feel like home. Kevin is preaching his first sermon to our new congregation on August 7 (the same sermon at both Sunday services and the Monday night service) and the boys will start school in just over a month (eek!). Let the excitement begin!

Trinity Lutheran Church, Saint Joseph, Michigan

It is official! Kevin now has a vicarage assignment for the upcoming year! I really should be catching up on sleep, but there are just too many things to ponder and too much news to share!

Our initial reaction to Saint Joseph, Michigan was, "Really? Just a short three hour drive from Fort Wayne? What kind of adventure is that?" But just this morning a good friend reminded me that adventure isn't always about location :) So, overall, we are eagerly anticipating settling into a new home, learning our way around a new town and building new friendships. We've heard many good things about the town and the church already, and what I find most encouraging is that, besides having already invited both Kevin and myself to be friends on Facebook, our future pastor has instigated a meeting with Kevin TONIGHT! It is very convenient that Saint Joseph is just 3 short hours from Fort Wayne :)

There is much more to learn about where we'll be living and exactly when we'll be loading up that moving truck (again), but I do have a few interesting things to share for now! Kevin is scheduled to start his vicarage on July 1st, although that probably means moving in a week or two in advance to get settled.  Saint Joseph is a town of about 10,000 people and Trinity worships about 500 people on an average Sunday. That number is about 4-5 times that of the church where Kevin currently does fieldwork, but on the other hand, it is pretty similar to the size of our home congregation back in Fargo. Trinity currently has two pastors, a Director of Children's Education and a Director of Music Ministries (among other leaders in the church), so it sounds like there will be a wealth of opportunities for Kevin to grow and for the rest of us to enjoy! They also have a very inviting website....www.trinitystjoe.org ;)

Although the 14-hour journey from Fort Wayne back home to Fargo hasn't been shortened by much (40 miles?), we are VERY excited to see that the church is just a few blocks from the shores of Lake Michigan! Wow! So, as far as adventure goes, I think we scored some pretty good scenery! We don't really know anything about what kind of housing we will be in, but our papers tell us it will be "within walking distance of the church." I wonder if they know how much walking Kevin does...or doesn't do :)

One of the other greats perk that I am excited to highlight quickly before I go, is that Trinity also has a Lutheran School for preschoolers through grade 8! That means no searching for schools for Caleb to start Kindergarten this coming fall—and to that, the mommy says, YAY!

That is all I've got for now—oh, well except that we are yet to determine if our loyal mini-dachshund, Shelby, will be able to make the move with us...

Six Days and Counting...

It’s hard to believe that vicarage is just around the corner! The past few months have unknowingly managed to escape us. Kevin recently preached his last sermon at our fieldwork congregation and as we prepare to say goodbye, we are realizing the gravity of relationships that we have developed in such a short period of time. With sermons, papers and reading assignments still looming overhead, Kevin has hardly begun to mentally prepare for vicarage. Of course, that will all change in the coming week, when we finally receive our location for placement on May 2nd.

I have handed off my monthly design duties for the Seminary Wives Newsletter, but I continue to watch 2-year-old Abby during the week. It is no surprise, though, that my thoughts are centered around the ambiguity of the impending move. Jumping into summer and planning activities for the boys has been difficult with the uncertainty of our near future. So with fewer and fewer tasks remaining on my list of things to do, I stand ready to embrace the impending explosion of cardboard, bubble wrap and packing tape that will undoubtedly ensue!

In the shadow of the big vicarage announcement, Caleb will be soon be finishing his first year of school! (Pre-Kindergarten counts, right?) As parents, it has been SO awesome to hear him share stories of things he has learned and to observe his increasing independence over the past few months. His reading continues to improve and you can sense his enthusiasm to learn by his increased awareness of words around him. In addition, this action-crazed boy can’t resist an opportunity to bust out the front door for a few laps up and down the sidewalk on his bike. He’s quickly becoming a speed machine and he can out-swing many of his 5-year old friends in baseball. In fact, our once seemingly huge back yard can no longer contain the power of that boy’s arm!

As Ethan barrels through his twos, many of his peers are surpassing him in size, though he easily makes up for it in character. His incessant giggling is nothing short of contagious and he can quickly overturn a sour mood with his random spouts of “I love you!” followed by a vigorous squeeze to your leg! One of the fleeting moments we cherish is each night after prayers when we “kiss, hug & rock;” after sharing a kiss and a hug, Mama rocks him in her arms while he recites the words to “Rock-a-Bye, Baby”—anticipating the dramatic “falling” into his bed!

Oh—the clock just turned over! Just five more days now... :)

Off to School, Off to School

Monday August 23, 2010 started with the buzzing of the alarm clock at 6:25 a.m. I squinted at the clock, reluctantly rolled out of bed and stumbled across the hall to the boys' bedroom, I had barely pulled the covers off Caleb's head when he sprang up from under the sheets. "Time to get ready for your first day of school, Caleb!" I announced in my most encouraging mommy voice. Not that any encouragement was needed—despite his short response, you could sense he was excited for the big day ahead.

Caleb immediately reached for his clothes from the dresser that we so carefully picked out the night before—a pair of blue jeans and the bright red guitar t-shirt that his teacher had commented on at registration. With minimal distraction and only some of the regular dilly-dallying, Caleb was washed and dressed in no time. Meanwhile, Kevin was busy in the kitchen fixing Caleb's favorite breakfast—pancakes and syrup! The boys sat down and ate together (I inhaled a pancake while Caleb tied his shoes), we took a few pictures and we were on the road, backpack and all, by seven thirty sharp!

School didn't start until ten after eight, but as a stay-at-home mom this was my first experience in Fort Wayne rush hour traffic—which thankfully turned out to be no rush at all! We arrived at Emmaus Lutheran School with 20 minutes to spare and we were the first family outside. Although, we quickly learned that they don't unlock the doors until eight o'clock (thank goodness for the sunshine ;).

When the principal finally unleashed the heard (wearing his large pencil-shaped necktie) we meandered down the hall to find Mrs. Tassey's Pre-Kindergarten classroom! We (okay, I) cheerfully greeted the teacher and then found Caleb's seat at the table—clearly marked with his name and a blue paper frog. Our first order of business was for Caleb to take his wooden attendance stick to the yellow cup on the teacher's desk (clever!). Then Mrs. Tassey checked the supplies in his backpack and we headed back out to the hall to find his locker (also marked with his name and another blue paper frog). As Caleb posed in the hallway for a quick picture, I started to sense some apprehension in his expression. Thankfully, it quickly receded when I asked for a nice big smile! He squished his backpack into the locker, intrigued by the variety of hooks inside, and then it was back to the classroom to get ready for the day!

Inside the classroom, each child's seat was adorned with their name, an over-sized Popsicle stick (aka attendance stick), a different critter shaped piece of paper and a puzzle. There must have been about 20 kids in his class. In observance of the big event we will celebrate this Friday, Caleb had a special birthday puzzle in front of his seat! As he started to pull out his chair, he looked up at me with wide eyes and asked, "Mom, did you hear that?! Somebody said Malachi!" (The same name as one of his good friends from the seminary, who has now moved to Wisconsin). I excitedly acknowledged his observation and pulled out the camera for a couple quick classroom pics.

While I attempted to capture the momentum of the morning, Caleb worked quietly on his puzzle, although, it was clear that he was much more interested in the bustle of the kids and their parents shuffling around the classroom. Acknowledging my window of opportunity, I gently rubbed the top of his fuzzy little head (none of that mushy kissy-face stuff ;) and explained, "I better get going so you can start your day." With his attention fixed on his puzzle, Caleb nonchalantly replied, "Okay, Mom." So I headed toward the door, sporting my proud mama smile! I glanced back for one last good-bye (and, of course, to confirm the absence of fear), but his attention was everywhere but on me.

"WE DID IT!!" I cheered to myself! And I'm quite sure I let out a blatant sigh of relieve as I headed back to the car.

Back home, Ethan and I took Shelby for a walk, exploring our new found freedom and independence! As we headed down the street, I realized I now had to repeatedly point Ethan in the right direction, as there was no crazy curly-haired kid luring us on his Big Wheels (apparently Shelby does not posses the authority to hold Ethan attention the way Caleb does). Regardless, we continued down our usual path. All the while, I couldn't help but wish I was a fly on the wall in Caleb's classroom. What was he doing? Was he having fun? Who were the other kids in his class? What was he learning today? How did Ethan feel about big brother going to school? Well, I asked Ethan, but he just repeated my question with his elbows bent, and hands in the air—"Caleb?" and then, again, repeating me "School!" I guess he probably didn't mind having all the toys and attention for himself, but I wonder if any of that will change as he learns that this is an everyday affair...

Well eleven o'clock arrived quickly, and I excitedly packed Ethan in the car to go pick up my boy! Along the way, Ethan played tour guide, shouting, "Digger!...Worker!...Plane!...Garage!..." This time I repeated him :) We arrived just a couple minutes early and waited anxiously in the foyer. As the teacher walked up with the kids in line behind her, one little girl—and then Caleb—attempted to rush through the door before getting properly signed out. Despite the slight scolding, he was glowing with smiles!

Of course, all the way to the car, I poked and prodded him about his day. Often times he replies with a nondescript one-word answer, so I was surprised when he had so many good things to share about his day—"We went to the gym...We read a REALLY funny story called 'The first day of school!'... I only got two papers today (something about those school papers makes him feel pretty grown up ;). And then—my favorite—this afternoon out of nowhere he says, "Mom, do you know about lips and hips? When the teacher says lips and hips we stand like this"—one hand on his hip, the other with a finger over his lips. "Yeah, Mom, that's what we do when the teacher says lips and hips." Ha!

And just when I thought I had heard everything there was to hear, I laid down with him after prayers tonight and he informed me that he had EVEN MORE fun at school today than he does at home! But that was only the beginning—his mind was still going: "Mom, there are squares and footprints on the carpet...And we went to church today...Mom, they have even MORE books than I do!" I never dreamed I would have to cut him off to say, "Goodnight, honey. Now get some sleep."